


Washington, Detroit, Sioux Falls, Stull

by rabidbinbadger



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s15e19 Inherit the Earth, M/M, Post-Episode: s15e19 Inherit the Earth, Series 15, Spoilers for Episode: s15e19 Inherit the Earth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:49:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27605146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rabidbinbadger/pseuds/rabidbinbadger
Summary: He makes a list.It barely even registers as fucked up that he can make a list.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 61





	Washington, Detroit, Sioux Falls, Stull

Dean walks away from Jack – from God. And as he does, his skin prickles, pins and needles, a full body rebellion that screams ASK HIM.

He doesn’t though, and he’s not sure why. Because Jack has already given him so much? Has given him everything – almost – that he asked for.

Because he doesn’t need to. Because this is his act of faith. The very first act of faith their new God will receive. I believe in your love, and in your mercy. I believe you loved Cas as much if not more than any of us. I have faith that you’ll save him.

(I _need_ you to save him but I’m scared to ask you in case you say no)

*

Dean gets in the car with Sam and he drives, they drive. And he keeps checking the backseat, like he’s expecting a figure to appear there.

He wonders how it works. Did everyone come back at once – in which case, where the fuck did Cas end up? Or are they coming back in waves – humans first then animals, monsters, other? Where on that sliding scale do angels even sit?

They pull up in front of Eileen’s place, and she and Sam embrace, and there’s a whole big scene and Dean watches with a genuine smile, because he’s a good person and fuck, he has faith but if he didn’t, if say he was starting to harbour doubts, well. He loves Sam enough that his happiness would be something. Not that he has doubts.

He leaves Sam behind, for now, and heads for the bunker.

It feels empty from the moment he opens the door. His sixth sense for abandoned dwellings, honed over years of hunting, tells him this is a bust, don’t bother.

He goes in anyway, spends uncomfortable days rattling around the too big space. Full of good and bad memories, but the bad seem a lot more present now. Funny that.

It takes him 2 days to make it down to the room where. The room. He runs his finger along the dried blood on the door, the same blood on the jacket he doesn’t seem able to take off, and he thinks about technicalities.

Eileen came back to where she died. Does what happened here count as Cas dying? He was whisked to the angelic afterlife – sounds a lot like dying, but Dean’s been in and out of the human version like a day-tripper. A few times he was dead, sure, but not all of them.

Maybe this didn’t count as dying, maybe just a temporary displacement in space. Maybe Dean’s been loitering in the wrong place.

Maybe he needs to go to somewhere else Cas died.

He makes a list.

It barely even registers as fucked up that he can make a list.

*

He drives to Washington, to Detroit, to Sioux Falls and to Stull Cemetery. Only four out of the five deaths, but he doesn’t know where the first one even happened. Maybe it didn’t even happen – who trusts Chuck to tell the truth? All of them, once.

He stays for a few days in each place, never quite making it to the exact spot, but hanging close enough around. Near enough that if Cas was there he would definitely be able to find Dean.

Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe he’s back and he doesn’t want to find you.

“Maybe you should shut the fuck up.” He mutters to himself, sat in the Impala. He still hasn’t quite shaken the belief that Cas and the car are tied, that he’ll just appear in the backseat – a throwback to the old days.

How will he come back, as an angel, presumably, but what kind? The stuttering and sparking just about holding on version of recent years, or a fully souped up, tap on the head, teleporting, time travelling divine entity? 

Or, will he come back human.

How will he _want_ to come back...

Dean falls asleep in the front seat and the next morning, stiff and aching, he leaves the cemetery.

He drives home, and at home he drinks the best part of two bottles of whiskey. Deliberately, spitefully, even as his stomach is roiling and threatening to rebel.

“How’s that for your free will?” He slurs, at no-one in particular, before he passes out.

*

There’s a glass of water on his bedside table when he wakes up. And two aspirin. He can’t prove that he didn’t put them there himself - can’t even remember crawling his way into bed. 

He sits up, runs a hand through his hair and drinks the water. He ignores the pills. He feels like maybe he deserves the headache.

‘Where are you, you stupid fucking bastard?” He mutters.

He spends the day wallowing, ignoring increasingly fraught texts from Sam. He texts Eileen, informs her that yes, he is still alive, yes he is fine. He hopes Sam gets the hint. 

The next day he feels a little less physically shitty, so he goes for a drive. He’s relying on the Impala to settle him. He drives for hours and hours, not really caring where he ends up. Not checking the backseat for surprise passengers.

He sleeps in the car, gets up the next day and does it again. Finds himself in Pontiac, Illinois. He goes to the barn, actually goes into the barn.

He isn’t there, of course he isn’t. Dean isn’t sure what he expected - for Cas to be sat there on the dirt floor while sparks flew and warding crackled? It’s just a shitty old abandoned barn. Empty of significance to anyone else alive.

*

He drives back to the bunker, changes his mind at the last minute, swings by Eileen’s place. He’s just got out of the car when he hears a voice.

“Hello, Dean.”

He doesn’t turn around for the longest moment. It’s a trick, and once he turns around he’ll know that for certain. As long as he doesn’t look, Cas is alive, is back.

He looks.

“What took you so long?” He asks gruffly.

Cas shrugs.

“Don’t you fucking shrug at me, you bastard.” Why does he sound so angry. Shouldn’t he be happy?

Cas’s shoulders tense, like he’s steeling himself.

“I’ve been waiting for you.” Dean chokes out. “I’ve been looking...” He trails off, shakes his head. He grabs Cas into a hug, buries his head in his shoulder and breathes out four years worth of tension.

“Don’t leave me again.” He says, barely audible, and then again, louder. “Don’t you ever fucking leave me again, Cas.”

“I wont, Dean.” Cas promises, not quite understanding what Dean is really asking of him. What he’s saying back to him. 

Which is why he’s caught wholly off-guard by the kiss.


End file.
